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Coming soon, from Preemptive Productions...

Lynndie: She-Wolf of Iraq!!!

NARRATOR: This is the shocking, true story of an ordinary American woman thrown into extraordinary circumstances by the country she only ever sought to protect and defend, and possibly even get paid by.

You may think you know the true story of what happened in Abu Ghuryab prison. You may even think you know how to spell it, or be able to find Iraq on a map!

But here, for the first time, we will reveal everything behind the headlines, and tell you the true story of Lynndie... She-Wolf of Iraq!

The film opens up in a blink town in West Virginia. Lynndie sits on her trailer's front "porch," talking with the banjo player from Deliverance.

LYNNDIE: Golly, Elmer... I sure could use me a job. I got me an honors degree from that school I done went to, but here I am watchin the roosters walk by instead a goin to college...

BANJO BOY: Well... maybe you could go join the Army Reserve, Lynndie.

LYNNDIE: Oh, you hush now, Elmer. That's for boys.

BANJO BOY: They's lettin girls in, now, Lynndie.

LYNNDIE: They is not, Elmer!

BANJO BOY: They is too, Lynndie. My own cousin Suzy's off killin them people what caused 911.

LYNNDIE: Well, someone oughta. We called them when Uncle Joe-Bob got that chicken's head stuck in his throat, and we waited and waited and they never come! Good thing Auntie Doe thought to kick him in the jimmy or he'd a been dead!

BANJO BOY: Well you never mind that, now. You oughta go be in the Army Reserve, Lynndie. It's a paycheck and it's good money.

LYNNDIE: Oh, I ain't even remotely qualified for that. It's too high-tech for someone like me.

BANJO BOY: You don't need to be qualified, girl. They'll make you qualified. They got all kindsa teachers and schools for us unqualified folks.

LYNNDIE: Really, Elmer?

BANJO BOY: That's right. You just gotta go take that physical, and don't tell them about what you and your brother done did with your daddy's wood glue, and you're in.

LYNNDIE: Wow! Maybe I can get outta this here town...

Time moves forward, and Lynndie joins the reserves. Then, when Iraq is invaded, Lynndie answers her country's call, and is stationed with the Military Police Brigade in Iraq's notorious Abu Ghuryab prison.

There, she falls in love with a man from her squad, and they become engaged! Life is looking up for her...

But then, in the shut-off area of the prison - where Military Intelligence rules supreme - her fate is drastically altered by two near-faceless men in a small room...

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: Dammit, #2, we aren't getting anywhere with these prisoners. How do we expect them to cooperate with interrogation if we treat them with any standard of decency!

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #2: Well, sir, we could cut them down from two meals a day to just one, but it'd still have to meet nutritional requirements-

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: Pfft! Belay that noise, #2. We need to break them and find out what little they do know. American lives are at stake... and dammit, so is my pension!

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #2: Well, sir, we could try Plan 69...

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: Yes... you know, that's right. We could activate an SS... but where will we find the right woman for the job?

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #2: I've already got the perfect candidate, sir.
She's an honors student, does her job, always a can-do, doesn't question orders...

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: Hmm... anything else, #2?

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #2: She's from West Virginia, sir.

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: Ah, good... so she's stupid and disposable.

Later, in a laboratory, the two men were joined by Lynndie, more faceless people, and a strange-looking being from another world.

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: Lynndie, this is the space alien who shot JFK. He'd like to examine you for possible inclusion in a top-secret military test.

LYNNDIE: Sir, yes, sir! No problem, sir!

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: Now remember that everything here is double-triple-super-top-secret. If we even think you're thinking about thinking about talking about anything that happened here, we can shoot you and turn you into dog food.

LYNNDIE: Sir, yes, sir! No problem, sir!

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #2: And... I should also warn you that there's a good chance that cooperating with the alien will cause cervical cancer.

LYNNDIE: Sir, yes, sir! No problem, sir!

ALIEN: (weird meeps and gibbers, translated below as "Heh! Earth Girls are so easy...")

LYNNDIE: Sir, yes, sir! No problem, sir!

After the examination - done to a 70's porn movie soundtrack - the alien confers with the faceless men.

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #2: Well... is she a suitable candidate for SS?

ALIEN: (in a squeaky, German accent) Jarwohl, mien Fuhrer! She vhill do quite nicely... a perfeKt specimen...

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: Will you stop with that Third Reich bullshit? You don't work for them, anymore. Get it straight!

ALIEN: (in a squeaky, American accent) Oh, sorry, man... I keep forgetting what war this is, y'know? Dude...

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #2: But she'll do?

ALIEN: Oh, perfectly, dude. Her, um, physical profile makes her the best candidate for the serum I've seen in years.

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: And she's as dumb as a post, too.

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #2: Well, that's a definite plus in anyone's book, sir.

ALIEN: Dude.

And then, while Lynndie is strapped down to a gurney in a huge operating theatre - where Iraqi prisoners were once tortured and killed by Saddam Hussein's own men - the faceless men of Intelligence make their sales pitch...

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: We'd like you to consider helping your country a little more, Lynndie. You're the perfect candidate for our experiments...

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #2: ... and we'd like you to agree to be injected with Supersoldier Serum. It'll make you stronger and tougher than anyone, and give you the ability to make the prisoners want to talk to us...

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: ... for their own good, of course...

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #2: ... and you'll be a massive asset to our operations here...

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: ... and get to wear a sexually-provocative uniform while on duty!

LYNNDIE: Wow, sir... all my life I dreamed of making a difference for my country. Now I really can!

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: Yes, and your family will be very proud of you.

LYNNDIE: Well, you just inject away, sir! I'm ready to serve my country!

ALIEN: (weird meeps and gibbers, translated below as "Jesus... now I know why we're still keeping the Mothman active. Must be something in the water...")

But the die is cast! The alien brings out the Supersoldier Serum insertion module - which looks suspiciously like a *ahem* "marital aid" - walks up to the gurney, and then... we find ourselves outside the theatre door, as the sound of whoops, hollers and shouts of joy are barely muffled from within!

Later, the MPs in the shut-off area are assembled by the faceless ones, who have an important announcement to make...

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE #1: ... and in addition to the Military Contractors, who you are not to photograph under pain of court martial and/or having your goddamn fingers amputated, we have another surprise for you. It's something of a trial run of a new program, which has produced someone who will be a living inspiration to the rest of you, as you go about serving your country...

And out walks Lynndie, smoking a cigarette, wearing a black-leather SS uniform and brandishing a leash. Where before her eyes were filled with wonder - or nothing at all - they are now brimming with power, lust, and a deep, dark hatred...

LYNNDIE: Alright boys... let's fuck us up some prison meat. We got a job to do!